Delirium Tremens
by makishef
Summary: Severus wakes up to a nasty surprise. Lupin & Snape, very slashy. Hangovers, weird speech impediments and my poor attempts at humor.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Delirium Tremens  
Author: makishef  
Pairing: Lupin/Snape  
Rating: Adult, overall. PG-13 in this part.  
Summary: Severus wakes up to a nasty surprise.  
Notes: Written for the 2005Lusty Month of May Marathon at pervywerewolf (on LiveJournal). Before you proceed any further, I feel I must warn for hangovers and general ridiculousness. And sorry about the shortness of the chapters; I couldn't find any better way to separate everything.

* * *

Severus woke with his head feeling as though some incompetent student – likely Longbottom – had broken it in half. His throat was dry, his tongue like sandpaper as it scraped the roof of his mouth. What in God's name had he consumed last night?

He tried opening his eyes, but the sunlight made them water miserably. Brilliant. And now, more fully awake, he was slowly becoming aware of the aches in his body, particularly the burn at the base of his spine that suggested that whatever he had drunk, he had not ended the evening alone.

That, of course, was when he became aware of the sound of muffled breathing that was not his own: long, heavy breaths in, followed by exhales that sounded more like sighs. It seemed he had not been alone much at all last night.

He envied the _breather_ for his peace while he, Severus, suffered through this nasty awakening. He began to try to inch his eyes open, carefully, so as not to let in too much light at once. He had to escape, or at least see who his partner was before the other got a chance to see him.

Eyes watering maddeningly – and he had to wonder why it was, exactly, that his eyes had so much liquid when his throat was insufferably dry – he finally managed to push himself up on his hands. His head reeled at this, and he barely suppressed the wave of nausea before it crawled up his throat. Spots dancing before his eyes, he stifled a groan.

He prayed to whatever god would listen that the man in his bed was a stranger, but if his memories of the previous night served him properly, that was unlikely. Before he could bear to look, he went through the few, hazy details he could recall. He grimaced; unless he had taken Granger's father to bed, it was likely to be another Order member. Shit.

Giving in, he turned his head, those impish spots doing the tango around a fit, wiry torso. It was his luck, really, that the man had folded a pillow over his face, leaving Severus to play detective. Sighing to himself, he lifted the sheet to inspect further.

His eyebrows shot up, and he could feel heat rising in his cheeks. _Well_. That certainly put his discomfort into perspective.

He had no idea that any of his idiot colleagues might have such redeeming qualities.

Letting the sheet drop again, he tried to focus. He needed to know who this was, and there was the problem of a leanly muscled arm and a pillow in the way. Carefully, he gave the pillow an experimental tug. It slid a little ways with no protest from the sleeping man, and so he pulled again. This time, the arm slid, too, gave way and fell. The man's hand knocked Severus' wrist down against a very warm, very enticing chest, and Severus jerked away in fear that he had woken him.

The body shifted and made a noise, muffled by the pillow. Severus backed away slowly, trying hard not to bounce the mattress as he moved. It no longer mattered who it was; if Severus were sloshed enough to fuck a colleague, then the other man must have been just as bad off, if not worse. Severus' only chance now was to get away before he was caught, before he had to deal with the awkward morning after scenario.

He made it to the edge of the bed without incident, except that the man stirred again, startling Severus. He scrambled then, feet hitting the floor… followed by the rest of him. In something of a panic, Severus cursed to himself and tried to kick the tangled sheets off his legs.

All this, and his head and stomach chose to rebel again. He had to swallow a few times, rolling to his back. Which was, of course, when he looked up to see the very plain face of Remus Lupin staring down at him, the corners of his lips turned up.

"What?" Severus snarled, voice hoarse. "Have you never seen—" _a grown man rolling around naked on your floor?_ He couldn't rightly finish that question, so instead, he repeated, "What?" This time, though, to his further humiliation, he sounded almost _whiny_.

And Lupin, bastard that he was – and completely lacking the bloodshot eyes Severus knew he should be sporting – began to laugh at him.


	2. Part Two

Title: Delirium Tremens  
Author: makishef  
Pairing: Lupin/Snape  
Rating: Adult, overall. PG-13 in this part.  
Summary: Severus recovers from his hangover, just in time to make some accusations.  
Notes: Written for the Lusty Month of May Marathon at pervy werewolf (on LiveJournal). This chapter contains mild violence, ridiculous accusations (that hopefully won't offend), thievery and snark.

* * *

Severus slumped back into his armchair, guzzling the dregs of his anti-intoxicant potion. The remainder of his headache withered and died, and when he opened his eyes, the firelight no longer hurt.

He eyed the fine bottle of Old Ogden's that sat atop the mantle, and he grimaced. Never again. Not if it made him do such repulsive things. He crossed to the fireplace, determined to toss the whole bottle in, and consequences – such as singing his eyebrows – be damned.

He had just leaned toward the fire, bottle in hand, when a face appeared. He stumbled, then, into his own coffee table, dropping the bottle. It shattered, golden liquid splashing everywhere and glass tinkling.

"Lupin! What gives you the nerve to pop your head into my fireplace unannounced?" He sat down – hard – atop the table, still clutching the goblet in one trembling fist.

Lupin calmly wiped a smear of whiskey from his cheek. "Give you a fright, did I? Terribly sorry. But I just wanted to look in on you, Severus," he said with a chuckle, damn the man.

Severus spluttered, appalled, and told him quite bluntly, "I'm in no mood to chat with _you_, Lupin, so if you would kindly remove yourself…"

"No, no, Severus, I wanted to talk to you about, erm, last night. To apologize, too, for giving you such a scare this morning. You were awfully drunk, but I thought—"

"You thought _what_?" Severus snapped. "Thought you could take advantage of me?" Oh, the nerve of some people. Severus wondered, vaguely, why he had ever changed sides. At least the Death Eaters were fairly honest in their manipulative scheming.

"I did _not_ take advantage! Or if I did, it was because I was rather drunk, too, and you threw yourself at me. I simply thought it was lowered inhibitions and—"

"_And_? I did not throw myself at you! Like I would offer myself to a mangy, flea-bitten, poorly-bred _werewolf_. Or to you at all, fleas notwithstanding! You had to have put something in my drink; I know you've been lusting, werewolf, I see the way you look at me!" Severus' voice had gone into an octave he should not have been able to attain. That bastard Lupin was driving him batty.

"Oh, good God, Severus! You're being ridiculous. Are you actually accusing me of _date-raping—_"

"Yes! I was likely out cold by the time _you_ came around with your rampant werewolf hormones!"

"That is the stupidest… You threw yourself—"

"Yes, yes, tell yourself what you will, _werewolf_—"

"Would you let me finish a sentence, already?" Lupin snapped at him. The beast was losing his composure. "You were _begging_ for my—"

Severus had clearly struck a nerve; he should have known Lupin would stoop so low. "You're disgusting, you know that? Aren't Gryffindors supposed to be upstanding—"

"Oh, I never—"

So Lupin was determined to fight this, was he? Severus came undone, surely. "Date-raped me? Yes, you did! How else would I have wound up in your bed?"

"You came—"

"Oh, I'd say _you're_ the one who—"

"Would you _stop_ that! I was trying to—"

"Get into my trousers, I know! _Rapist_!" And with that, Severus hurled the goblet. It made a delightful _smack_ and _crunch_ when it hit Lupin, and the man's face disappeared from Severus' fireplace. A moment later, the connection went out.

Severus stood shakily, plucking his wand out to clean up the mess of the bottle, and when he moved back to his armchair, he realized that his goblet had gone through the fire with Lupin's head. Hmph. A rapist _and_ a thief. Bloody Gryffindors.


	3. Part Three The End

Title: Delirium Tremens  
Author: makishef  
Pairing: Lupin/Snape  
Rating: Adult.  
Summary: Lupin comes to Severus with his own accusations – and glaring evidence!  
Notes: Written for the Lusty Month of May Marathon at pervy werewolf (on LiveJournal). This chapter contains a speech impediment, more snark and awkward!sex.

* * *

A few hours after his spat with Lupin, Severus was at his desk, busily revising lesson plans for the upcoming school year. This one would be simply amazing: no Potter, no Granger, and only one more Weasley to get rid of. The school would be flooded with more students than they had had in decades, now that they'd seen proper credit for what they had done with the war. This meant more bloody Gryffindors, more spineless Hufflepuffs to suffer through, but it also meant more Ravenclaws – studious workers, those – and more Slytherins to carefully mold into tolerable citizens of the wizarding world.

These thoughts, at least, had put him in a better mood than before, but of course he couldn't get his bloody peace and quiet. Oh, no. There was a knock at his door.

Expecting Minerva, he rose and crossed to open it. Only to find Remus Lupin standing on the other side. Severus quickly tried to shut it again, to no avail. The bastard had put a foot in the door already, and Severus had to lean against the pressure just to keep it from opening farther.

"You broke by dose!" he heard Lupin say, and he scoffed, weakening for a moment. The door swung open, clipping him in the side of the head, and he stumbled back. Lupin had caused him to lose his footing far too many times today.

Severus clutched at his throbbing head and looked up to see Lupin shutting the door behind himself. "What do you want?" he snapped, scowling.

"You _broke_ by _dose_!" Lupin said again, and this time Severus was more inclined to believe him. There was a lumpy bandage strapped neatly to his face and bruises under his eyes. Pink dots marred his shirt, likely where cleaning charms hadn't come in time.

Severus knew no pity, though. "So? Why are you in my office?"

"I couldd't – could_nnn_'t – afford St. Budgo's, so I had to see Badabe Pob— _Pom_-frey." Lupin crossed his arms over his chest, planting himself, and Severus sighed, unsure how to get rid of him this time. "I thought, while I was here, I should let you k_nnn_ow what you've dode."

Severus scowled. "So I broke your nose, and you put a burn in my bottom and a lump on my head. I believe we're even." They weren't even, not by far – he'd really rather he'd broken Lupin's _bits_ off, but it was much harder to be threatening when Lupin was physically _there_ and Severus was holding his head a little sideways.

Lupin's lips twitched and Severus just knew he was going to be laughed at again. Surprisingly, though, Lupin held back. "A 'burd id your bottob'?" he repeated. Okay, he didn't quite hold back, then, letting out a strange whistling noise through his bandages. Severus was so fascinated that he forgot to be in pain for a moment. "Do you eved rebe_mmm_ber ady of the details?"

Lupin had started advancing, and Severus felt as though his feet wouldn't move. So he straightened himself, giving his most threatening glare. "No. Remember, you—"

"Date-raped you, right," Lupin said, and Severus had only managed to take one step back before Lupin was close enough to touch him. And, having no respect for privacy, Lupin _did_ touch him, curling his hand around the back of Severus' neck, where all the hairs stood up.

Severus scowled. "Yes." He batted at Lupin's wrist, but it didn't budge. "Don't remember a thing, and I'd really rather not. You know where the door is, so if you would—"

"Ared't you eved curious about it?" Lupin asked huskily, and he was so close now Severus could feel his body heat. It seemed Lupin produced a lot of body heat, because Severus could even feel it inside himself, swirling and rising and flushing his cheeks.

"Not at all," he said, quite convincingly, in his opinion. "I'd like to forget the episode entirely, if it's possible."

"Of course." Then Severus' head was being pulled down, and he felt the itchy brush of bandages against his cheek, just before he felt the press of soft lips against his own.

He opened his mouth to protest, and a tongue slid inside instead. Severus spluttered, stumbled, and Lupin followed him until they hit the wall. "Ow!" Severus yelped into the kiss and tore his mouth away. "Don't you have any finesse, Lupin?" he snarled. "You're mauling—"

That mouth was on his again, and Severus thought that maybe finesse was overrated. His tongue had gotten tangled into the mix before he caught himself, jerking away again. His head hit the wall. "Ow!" he yelped again, then shoved at Lupin's shoulders. "Get _off_!"

"I'b tryi_nnn_g," Lupin murmured, then lowered his mouth to Severus' neck. Severus gave another pathetic shove, before his body slumped under what, exactly, that mouth could do.

The maddening scratch of bandages just under his ear snapped him out of it. "Lupin, stop this! I refuse to be a participant—" Lupin's mouth slipped lower, and Severus shivered, despite himself "—in this _ridiculous_—" a thigh slid between his own, rubbing just _so_, before he was able to fight it off "—_ridiculous – ohhh…_ No! What are you doing, Lupin?"

Lupin laughed, reaching between them to grasp at Severus' cock through the folds of his robe. "Provi_nnn_g that it wasd't the alcohol."

Severus hissed. Enough was enough. He shoved at Lupin a third time, with little better results than before. "It _was_ the alcohol! You raped me, and you're trying to do it aga—" He cut himself off with another undignified yelp when Lupin squeezed.

"You're hard," Lupin said, and Severus shook his head. "Yes, you are. You _like_ this." And Severus couldn't tell him otherwise, because his mouth was too busy letting out rough, uneven breaths.

He lost himself to it, then, traitorous cock throbbing against Lupin's hand, his pulse rushing under the feel of Lupin's mouth against his throat, and was Lupin _really_ humping at his leg like a dog? Severus let his head fall back against the wall – more gently, this time – and his eyes slid shut. He was so close, so close… until he became aware of Lupin muttering in his ear. "…add I'b godda fuck you so hard you screab, yeah, you're godda love it, you cock-hudgry—"

"What the hell are you on about, Lupin?" he snapped, annoyed that his erection wanted to flag and that Lupin's hand wouldn't let it. "You sound ridiculous."

Lupin looked rather offended, and his hand stopped moving. "You liked it last tibe," he said, almost in a whine – though that may have been the broken nose again.

"I was drunk!" His cock was _throbbing_ against that hand, so hard it nearly hurt. He sighed. "Just keep your mouth shut and you can fuck me, Lupin," he finally said. Anything that would get him off was worth tolerating, at this point.

Lupin seemed to take his words to heart, and the other man was pulling on his robes, fingers trying to make sense of the fastenings. Severus batted his hands away. "Not here, you twit," he snarled. He was bruised enough without Lupin scraping him up against a wall.

So they staggered and dragged each other to the bedroom, and Lupin tumbled him onto the bed, clawing at his robes again. With a much-put-upon sigh, Severus pulled his wand from a voluminous pocket and growled out a charm. His robes disappeared, showing up again as a neatly-folded pile on the floor. After a moment, he did the same to Lupin, and he looked him over.

Ah. Yes. That was why he was allowing this to happen again.

Then his arms were full of a randy old werewolf, rubbing and sucking and _sweating_ all over him. That impressive cock dug into his hip, and he choked back a moan when Lupin's hand snaked between them again, pulling on his prick. He dropped the wand when Lupin's mouth attached itself to his collarbone.

Lupin's other hand slid between them, too, pressing back and rubbing between his cheeks. "Have you got ady lube?" Lupin asked, and Severus made a grab for the nightstand. It was a few too many feet away, so he snatched up his wand, thrust it against Lupin's chest. Lupin let go of his cock to grab it, though he looked disappointed. "I like the idea of doi_nnn_g it byself," he said.

Severus glared. "Stop whining and _fuck_ me. _Now_."

Whatever disappointment Lupin may have felt, he thankfully did not voice it again. He flipped Severus facedown, growled out the charm and, moments later, eased and then pushed and then _shoved_ his cock in so hard Severus was sure his teeth rattled.

Severus weakly pushed his hips up to meet those ragged thrusts, panting roughly. Lupin fisted his cock for him, all tight squeezing and careless pumping that only barely met the rhythm of his hips.

"Yeah, tell be how you like it," Lupin grunted into his ear, and Severus groaned, shoving back against him.

"I l-like it _quiet_," Severus snarled, "and – _guh!_ – harder!" Lupin seemed content enough to comply, silent, finally, save for his grunts and harsh breathing and the slap of his pelvis against Severus' pleasantly burning arse.

A few more thrusts, a few more squeezes of Lupin's smooth hand, and Severus was done for, moaning like an animal in heat as he came harder than he had in quite some time. When he was done, Lupin's hand moved from his oversensitive prick to clutch at his bony hip, dragging it up to meet his own. That cock was surely scraping him raw, though it was still fairly pleasant, with Severus drifting on the aftermath of his own orgasm. He began to gray out when Lupin finally came, teeth clenching on Severus' shoulder and heat flooding him.

He awoke again to Lupin sitting on the edge of the bed in his trousers, slowly peeling the bandage from his face. Severus watched, unmoving. Lupin's nose certainly wasn't the broken lump it had to have been before.

Lupin hissed a little as the bandage finally came off, and Severus spoke up. "I hope you're not planning on throwing that out _here_."

Lupin turned. "Wouldn't think of it." Severus was thinking that his voice, though still grating, was much less irritating without that nasally whine, when the bastard smiled lecherously, looking awful for it, with his nose still one large bruise. "So, how's the burn in your bottom now?"

Severus glared. "Shut up, Lupin," was all he could manage though, because really, the burn felt terribly good, his body sated and more relaxed than it had been in years.

"Good, then?" Lupin asked, laughing, then got up to retrieve the rest of his clothing. "Me too," came the muffled words as Lupin pulled his stained shirt back over his head. "Wouldn't mind another go some time."

Severus said nothing in response to this, though he wasn't sure he wouldn't mind, either. Lupin, for all his faults, had a fantastic cock. He searched for the right words as Lupin showed himself out, and finally, as he heard the door shut, he called, "Next time, I'm gagging you!"

He heard Lupin's insufferable laugh muffled behind the door, and he scowled, muttering a token, "Bloody smug bastard," before he lay back to enjoy the post-shag hum of his tired body.


End file.
